$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
