Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
