i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Randomize
