That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
