He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
