Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
