I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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