he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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