She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
