I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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