And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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