I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
