I've blown a few things in my day
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
