you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
