her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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