ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
