Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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