We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
