You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
