the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
