i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
