New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
