is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
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