They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
