how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
