so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
