So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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