just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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