So drunk its hurt
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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