I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
