i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
