They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
