I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
