There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
They are going to name an STD after you.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
