I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
