This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
