all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My vagina is officially offended.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
