he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
