Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i dont even know how to be here
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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