Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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