Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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