He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
