I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
