I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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