just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
