we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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