If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Thank you for not boning my boss.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
