Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
