he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
