Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just had sex on a roof
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
